Low key hating 🙊

I sometimes sit and scroll and dream I can live like all these rich and famous people you see on social media. Like wow what a life! It’s unbelievable and unimaginable to me how someone can live like that because I don’t feel like I could ever get that close. I mean a person must really be hungry to be so ambitious and go lucky when I don’t even have the energy to peel myself out of bed some days. I wonder will I ever have that drive and determination I have felt and had once upon a time. When I had it I went hard but when everything turned out wrong I gave up and accepted my life as it is. I Just don’t have anymore Juice in me to try again. I wish I knew how to get it back, the will and the drive to be great in life. I find myself here again rooting everyone else on their journey and blessings in life. I watch celebrities live lavish lives with lavish things and I can only wish and dream one day to be in those shoes. I sometimes say but God gave me this life and these blessings and I should be happy and content even if it’s not exactly what I want. Who gets exactly what they want anyway right? Even rich people aren’t happy with the life God gives them. I guess it’s how the saying goes “it’s how you use what you got to get what you want” Or something like that lol. Well I believe that everyone has a purpose in life and the blessings you receive are for that purpose. My blessing’s are the people I love because they are the most precious things God has blessed me with. I feel like they are my purpose. I feel also they I have failed them in so many ways and that’s why I think I feel empty in my life. I need to focus on them and it’s been a long time coming. I have been a good mother but I could’ve been better. That’s what I aim for right now in life, to fulfill my purpose in life and guide my kids throughout this cruel life, but somehow make it better for them. So one day they will find their purpose in life too but for that purpose to be greater than mine ever could be. I Just can’t find any other purpose to live for other than them. I have been down a long road and see no other reason to keep going. I wish I could be strong and healthy but God does things for a reason. The more I think about it though the more I’m comfortable with that. My purpose is to guide my kids to a better life. To watch them be greater than me and greater than the life God gave me. Who knows maybe along that journey will be something great for me after all.